They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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