I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize