Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
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