I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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