well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
