Can i not drive my cunt home
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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