Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
