I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My balls are so social today.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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