My liver just broke up with me...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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