If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
