last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I look better un-naked...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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