i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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