Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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