did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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