at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
