the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
