Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
