He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
