I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
