I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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