I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
