Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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