he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
