I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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