I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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