I love black thongs
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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