You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
