I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
