also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
