He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
