My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
