I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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