i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Your penis caused this!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
