so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
