the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i believe in u and ur pee
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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