I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
