Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
