she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
