she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize