I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
