The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
