My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
