yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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