evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
