I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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