we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
50% drunk capacity currently
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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