Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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