I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
honey bunches of taint.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
