U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
