The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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