can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
