no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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