need another drink. this is the easiest way
Me too!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
