16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
