Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He uses pillows to masturbate.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
