had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
