You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
