Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
