Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
