My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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