It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
