She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
