sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
