Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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