God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
