I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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