I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just had sex bonerless
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize