How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize