that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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