Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
