dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
