Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
