How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
