dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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